


When Sir Galahad was a daft nimpty

by bumbleblue



Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Eggsy is a witch, Fluff, Harry is a knight, I made Merlin a horse, M/M, sorry Merlin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-19
Updated: 2017-05-19
Packaged: 2018-11-02 09:22:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,047
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10941564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bumbleblue/pseuds/bumbleblue
Summary: A short, sweet AU in which Sir Galahad is on a quest for the Holy Grail and along the way he falls in love with Eggsy Unwin, witch.Eggsy thinks Sir Galahad is a bit of a moron, but he's cute enough so he guesses he can stay.





	When Sir Galahad was a daft nimpty

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this in a handful of hours and it's not really beta'd so all the mistakes are mine and I don't even care. My fingers hurt from typing. 
> 
> Also, I had no idea I was capable of so much fluff.

A pounding at the door startled Eggsy out of his morning meditation, making him instantly cross. 

 

He threw open the door, gazed upon the knight who had rudely taken him out of his trance, and said “No walk-ins until Tuesday. You don’t have an appointment so you’ll have to come back then.”

 

The knight immediately tried to argue, “Young man, but I have come far and wide seeking the guidance of the witch who lives in this cottage. My name is Sir Galahad, I seek the Holy Grail and I desire her counsel greatly.”

 

Eggsy rolled his eyes; typical toff. “Okay bruv, for starters I’m the witch who lives in this cottage and my counsel ain’t free to you until Tuesday. Come back then.” He slammed the door in the surprised knight’s face, and heaved a sigh. There’d be no getting back into his meditation state now; it had taken him all morning to get things prepared so he could practice his astral projecting. “Inconsiderate bastard,” he muttered. 

 

Guess he’d just get to work on potions, then. Mrs. Gimble was due soon anyway, with her third bairn on the way, and would need things to ease the way like, and Farmer Gregg needed medicines for his pigs, they seemed to be looking peaky lately and that was a worry to the whole town. Not to mention, rumor had it that Molly Ennings had her sights on Jason McDowell, the smithy’s son. It if were true, she’d be coming to Eggsy asking his help on attracting the lad.

 

Not that she’d need it, Eggsy thought with a grin. Jason had fancied Molly since they were both twelve years old; the lad was just shy. 

 

Still, there was a never ending amount of work to be done for the village witch, and Eggsy was the only one around for near thirty miles. He was in charge of three steadings, as his mother before him had been, and he viewed it as as serious commitment. Best get to it, then.

 

As directed, the knight came back early Tuesday morning. He must have gotten up with the sunrise, because it was nearly 7 o’clock when Eggsy opened up his front door, and Sir Galahad was at the front of a very long line. Inwardly grimacing, he beckoned Sir Galahad into his cottage and brewed him a cup of tea.

 

“So you’re the daft nutter searching for the Holy Grail.”

 

“I am indeed, my good witch.”

 

“Look bruv, you don’t have to talk like that to me. It’s a bit weird, if you get what I’m saying. Just call me Eggsy, yeah?”   
  


The knight looked surprised. “I was told by the village women that it was best to show the witch a good deal of respect. They warned that I could be turned into a toad.”

 

Eggsy laughed, drinking his tea. “They just messin’ with ya. Toads are a mucky business and we don’t need any more of them. If I was gonna turn you into something, better it to be a cow.”

 

“Er, right.” The knight didn’t look comforted in the least. 

 

“They’re right about the respect bit, though,” Eggsy said looking stern. “So if I tell you call me Eggsy, you best do that, yeah? What’s your name? Ain’t Galahad just a title? You ain’t the first Galahad, I can tell that clear enough.”

 

“You’re right,” the knight said, surprised. “My name is Lord Henry Hart, but I do prefer to being called Harry. I am the seventh Galahad to search for the grail, as commanded by our good king. How did you know?”

 

Eggsy rolled his eyes. “Listen, Harry. My family’s been protecting the grail for hundreds of years now. You think we don’t know when some moron’s looking for it? You’re not the first Galahad to come searching for it here, and I’m just gonna tell you what my mother told the last one.”

 

“And what’s that?” Harry looked at him beseechingly. “This is my life’s quest, and it is imperative that I fulfill it. Should I die without doing so, I would consider it an unworthy life.”

 

Sighing, Eggsy poured Harry another cup of tea. “Seems like you got here just in time then, if that’s how you think. You toffs, you got it all wrong. You don’t find the grail just by looking for it.”

 

“But surely a witch of your knowledge and power could make it appear?” 

 

“Don’t try to butter me up. I can see it, no problem, but I can’t make you see it. Look at you, with your fancy horse and your shining armor and you haven’t done an honest day’s work in all your life. You’ve got your head so far up your arse. I could tell where the grail was, hell I could point to its exact location, and you wouldn’t be able to see if it it was sitting right in front of your eyes.”

 

Harry was intensely offended, Eggsy didn’t need to be a witch to see that. The man’s face was as plain as day. “I am of the highest noble birth, with my ancestors tracing back to the ancient kings. The grail is meant to found by those of a true and noble heart; I will find it and prove you wrong. Good day, witch.”

 

He stormed out, causing a bit of chaos among the others waiting in line.

 

“Cheers!” Eggsy called out. “Good luck, you’re gonna need it!”

 

The rest of the week passed by in good measure. Eggsy tended to his animals, looked after his bees, planted his garden now that spring was coming back, repaired his broom so that it would have a more even flight, and made his rounds amongst the village. He visited those who had made appointments, and had time to stop in on many others, so he didn’t expect a big crowd on the next Tuesday.

 

And yet, here was the knight back again.

 

“Didn’t we just do this last week?” Eggy asked, very amused. He stepped back to let the knight inside his cottage. It was different colors on the inside this time, owing to a magical mishap that Eggsy had the night before where he accidentally added too much eye of newt to his cauldron and it exploded all over the walls. 

 

“I have come to apologize,” Harry said, stiffly. “The way I spoke to you has been wearing on my mind; it was completely ungentlemanlike behavior. I ought to have not taken your words so personally.”

 

“Huh. You know, you’re probably the first knight to ever apologize. Or even come back. Most die when the dragon up the mountain gets ahold of them, even after I warned them.”

 

“There’s a dragon up there?” Harry asked, his eyes wide. 

 

“Oh yeah, oops. Sorry, should have told you.”

 

“I will forgive you, if you forgive my atrocious behavior,” Harry said, giving Eggsy a magnanimous bow. 

 

“Er, right. Sure thing, bruv. No hard feelings, yeah?” 

 

“Not at all,” Harry said, his voice crisp as the mountain spring and Eggsy found that he liked the sound. “The village women also insisted that I should have brought payment for your advice, even though it was to warn me against my quest. Here,” he said, unbuckling a coin purse from his belt. “I give you this.”

 

“Oh hey now, no thanks. Witches don’t take money,” Eggsy said, firmly. 

 

Harry was flummoxed. “No money? What kind of payment am I supposed to bring you for your assistance, if you do not take money?”

 

“You ever milk a goat, bruv?”

 

“Certainly not.”

 

“Awesome, cuz you’re about to learn.”

 

And so Sir Galahad, or Harry as he preferred to be called, ended up helping Eggsy with the rest of his chores that day, before he journeyed back on his quest.

 

“You still advise against me searching for the Grail?”   
  
“I advise against nothing pal, I'm just telling you that for some it’s a fruitless endeavor. It doesn’t matter how long or hard some people search, they can never find it. Don’t you remember the story?”

 

Harry nodded, as it had been drilled into him from a young age. “Only those of a pure and noble heart can find it.”

 

“Right. So tell me, Harry, when is a person’s heart at their most pure and noble?”   
  


Harry blinked, staring down at Eggsy from where he sat on his horse. “What do you mean?”   
  


“That’s what I thought, bruv. Like I said earlier, good luck.”

 

“You’re not going to tell me the answer to your riddle?”   
  


“What kind of witch would be I be if I did that? It’s your quest, not mine. You gotta figure it out.”

 

“Of course. Farewell, Eggsy, boy witch. May we meet again.”

 

Eggsy, who had read Harry’s tea leaves that morning, knew he’d be seeing Harry in less than week. It was the shame the knight was a bit of an idiot; he was on the unfair side of handsome and his personality was more than a little cute even if he was more polite than Eggsy was used to. 

 

“See you soon, Galahad! Have fun!”

 

Sure enough, the knight and his horse were back before Friday’s sunset, with Harry walking and leading his horse by the reins.

 

“Harry!” Eggsy exclaimed, pretending to be surprised. “Back so soon?”

 

Ignoring the graceful manners of his last visit, the knight just rolled his eyes. “I have a feeling you knew I would be returning. Merlin,” he gestured behind him, “seems to be ill. Are you any good with animals?,” Harry asked.

 

Eggsy grinned proudly. “When it comes to beasts, fair or foul, you’ll find none better than me, mate.” He led the horse to the empty stables - Eggsy had no need for a horse of his own, as he had his broomstick, but his family had gotten so used to stupid knights paying them visits that one of Eggsy’s grandfathers had seen fit to build a stable. These days it was mostly used to house the goats and the occasional cow, and well as any additional supplies for any of the projects Eggsy worked on, but there was an empty stable sure enough, just fit for Merlin.

 

Eggsy made quick work of looking Merlin over. “He’s sick, right enough,” he agreed, “but nothing I can’t fix. The remedy’s going to take a bit, though,” he cautioned.

 

“Ah,” Harry said, sounding serious. “Is it one of those where I must fight a plant that only grows under moonlight, or fight a foul monster to retrieve?”   
  


“What?” Eggsy asked, shocked, “Are you barmy? Of course not. It just is gonna take some time to settle and I gotta doctor it up so Merlin will actually take it. You knights sure have some weird ideas about magic,” he muttered.

 

Harry smiled, broad and gleaming. It was the first time he seemed cheerful since Eggsy had met him, and the witch couldn’t lie to himself; the bloke was as fair as he was foolish. “And how can I pay you, this time?” Harry asked.

 

“Hmm,” said Eggsy. “Can you cook at all?”

 

Harry shook his head, forlorn. 

 

“Guess I gotta teach you how. We’ll start with some bread.”

 

Harry ended up spending the weekend at Eggsy’s cottage. There wasn’t much room, but Eggsy was able to clear things out of what used to be his mother’s bedroom so Harry could have a place to sleep. While the place had always been more than enough comfortable for Eggsy and his kin, he knew that it couldn’t compare to the luxuries Harry had grown up with. Still, the other man seemed very content with his accommodations and he proved to be useful in that he could at least do the dishes after their meals. 

 

Eggsy, who had grown so used to being a bit isolated up at his cottage, aside from the occasional troublesome knight or local villager who needed some help, found he actually enjoyed Harry’s company.

 

‘It’s a shame,’ he thought. ‘He’ll give up on his quest and go home, soon enough, just like all the others. That’s the problem with people who grow up at court and more often than not have arranged marriages. They never get around to figuring out what ‘pure  and noble of heart’ actually means.’

 

Eggsy, who first saw the grail when he was seven after his father died, knew exactly what it meant and it was something he would never forget. 

 

He still wasn’t going to tell Harry, though. Some things you just gotta learn on your own. Witches couldn’t do everything for a person, otherwise how would anybody grow?

 

Merlin was better by Monday morning, though he didn’t seem to want to leave. Eggsy couldn’t blame him; between the Harry and Eggsy looking after him these past few nights, Merlin had been more than a little bit spoiled.

 

Still, Harry wasn’t ready to give up his quest and onward he went toward the mountain.

 

“Stay away from the left trail, after you pass the stone troll,” Eggsy said. “That’ll lead you to the dragon, sure enough. Make sure you go past it and up to the right, and that will take you through.”

 

“But not to the grail?” Harry asked, curious.

 

“I can’t really tell you, mate.” Eggsy answered, winking at Harry.

 

The knight laughed, enjoying their little game at this point. “But,” he pressed on, “The grail’s resting place is up the mountain?”

 

“Sometimes it is,” Eggsy shrugged, “and sometimes it’s not. Not really sure how it works, exactly, cuz I’ve seen it in different places. It’s always near water, though, if that helps you any.”

 

“Barely,” Harry said dryly. “There are at least six rivers that come down that mountain.”

 

“Yeah,” Eggsy agreed. “And the water’s great.”

 

“I think you’re enjoying this,” Harry muttered.

 

“Witching can get boring sometimes,” Eggsy said. “Gotta get my kicks in somehow.”

 

This time, Harry was out for a full two weeks before Eggsy saw him again, poking his head through Eggsy’s window.

 

“Harry!” Eggsy exclaimed, surprised by happy. “Any luck?”

 

Harry shook his head, but he still seemed in good spirits. “Not quite, though I think I did see a glimpse of it once or twice, and then it was gone. Still, it gives me hope.”

 

“Oh,” said Eggsy, feeling disappointed, because if Harry was able to see it, that meant ...well, it meant something that Eggsy didn’t really want to think about right then, because then he’d probably have to start thinking about his own feelings about the knight. Which didn’t exist, he firmly told himself, because Harry wasn’t going to be staying around.

He quickly changed the subject. “I just made some meat pies. Wanna join me for dinner?”   
  


Harry rewarded his query with a blinding smile. “I’d love to,” he said. “I even stopped at the village on the way here and brought some wine.”

 

Eggsy looked concerned. “Is it Granny Thomas’ wine, or Father Browns?”

 

“Father Brown’s,” was Harry’s answer. Eggsy could feel relief sweeping through his entire body.

 

“Oh good, there won’t be any hallucinations then. I’m still recovering from the wine she made for Christmas.”

 

Eggsy had to admit, hearing Harry’s laugh was very, very nice.

 

Harry stayed a whole week this time before he started heading up again. He helped Eggsy in the garden, Eggsy showed him how to work the beehives, and took him on long walks around the surrounding woods where Eggsy foraged for his herbs. He wasn’t sure why Harry was lollygagging about, but he certainly wasn’t complaining either.

 

Harry also seemed to be on pretty good terms with Eggsy’s neighbors from the villages, and would chat with them when they stopped in or they passed them by on one of the many walks. The knight had a charming, polite nature that put everyone at ease and eating out of the palm of his hand. He was easy to talk to, and easy on the eye, and more and more Eggsy found he didn’t want Harry to go.

 

He wanted Harry to stay, he wanted to  _ kiss _ Harry, and he wanted to Harry to want to stay too. 

 

Instead of talking about it, however, he just taught Harry how to make cheese.

 

“Can’t you do this by magic?” Harry wondered.

 

“Bruv, do you often see me doing magic?” Eggsy asked, feeling a bit irritated that Harry hadn’t gotten the point yet.

 

“Well, yes and then no. I’ve seen you on your broomstick, and how you make your potions, but you rarely use magic for your own good.”

 

“It’s not the same if I do it that way, it doesn’t turn out right. And it’s awful for cooking, don’t even ask me why.”

 

“So you do magic for other people, but not for yourself?”   
  


“Yup,” Eggsy agreed. Harry was staring at him and it was making him feel weird.

 

“What?” Eggsy asked. “I got something on my face?”

 

Harry shook his head. “No,” he started, “it’s just … do you have any idea how rare you are?”

 

Eggsy rolled his eyes, not understanding what Harry was getting at. “Bruv, I’m a male witch. Ain’t nobody like me, at all.”

 

“Right, of course.” 

 

Harry bid Eggsy farewell the next morning; rather than mope around, Eggsy decided to clean. He started with the stables, gave the bedrooms a good airing out, soaked the cauldron, and tidied up his work area. It wasn’t until mid afternoon that he got around to clearing up the kitchen, and he promptly swore when he saw the pattern Harry’s tea leaves had formed.

 

“All the moronic twits!” He cursed, quickly packing his herbal kit and medicine chest into a sack and jumping on his broomstick. He headed towards the left side of the mountain, near the dragon that he knew Harry had decided to sneak past. 

 

“Dammit, Eggsy,” he muttered on the way there. “Why you gotta go ahead and fancy the proper idiots? Could have settled down with a meek farmhand who would be good with the animals and probably make better cheese, but nooooo. You gotta like this toff. Disgusting.”

 

He found Harry right by the mouth of the dragon’s lair, battered, injured, and covered in splatters of blood. He didn’t see Merlin and hoped the dragon hadn’t attacked him either. “Harry!” he cried, rushing over. “I told you not to go up this way.”

 

Thankfully, Harry was still alive. “Eggsy,” he muttered. “I thought I saw the grail. I was thinking of you,” his words were akin to babbling, and more than a bit slurred, “and then it appeared on the fork of the path, so I decided to try something different.”

 

Eggsy forced a potion down Harry’s throat. “I’m gonna get you out of here,” he promised. 

“Where’s Merlin?”

 

“Blasted thing ran down back the mountain.”

 

“I always knew that was a smart horse. Come on, I’m gonna have to levitate you on my broomstick.”

 

Unfortunately the commotion and noise seemed of interest to the dragon, who also probably had smelled Eggsy. Dragons, as Eggsy knew, were able to smell magic as they were magic users themselves. Eggsy had only a few run ins with this dragon before, and he knew it had a foul temper. 

 

He didn’t even give the dragon a chance to make a move; he threw spell after spell upon the beast, quickly incapacitating him. 

 

“Eggsy,” Harry slurred out. “You’re marvelous.”

 

Eggsy shook his head, but smiled a little. “Ah, love. Why can’t you say that shit when you’re aren’t drugged up? That would be nice.”

 

It was more work navigating a broomstick with two people, and even harder when one of them couldn’t keep himself steady. Still, Eggsy managed to get them back to the cottage where Merlin was there waiting.

 

“Clever lad,” Eggsy whispered, as Merlin tried to nuzzle him. He was able to get Harry into the cottage and dose him with some sleeping potions. Best for the man to rest, and it would be easier for Eggsy to clean his wounds this way. 

 

It took several days before Eggsy would let Harry out of the bed for anything more than using the privy, and a week still before he thought the man was well enough for doing something other than walking around the garden.

 

“Look, I know you’re determined to finish your quest and all so you can go back to your king and court or whatever,” Eggsy said, rolling his eyes and visibly upset with the whole idea, “but you’re not going anywhere until you have healed properly. Quest or no quest, I don’t give a toss, so you’ll do what I say or you won’t like the consequences.

 

Harry just raised an eyebrow at him, and accepted the cup of tea Eggsy gave him.

 

Eggsy glared, annoyed with the lack of proper response.

 

“I can still turn you into a cow, you know.”

 

“Yes, Eggsy.” The knight’s voice was meek and placating. 

 

“Oh, shut up Harry.”

 

It was odd to Eggsy that Harry actually  _ didn’t _ seem to be in a rush to go back up the mountain. In fact, June had come and gone before the man got Merlin out of the stable and put the saddle on him.

 

“You going back up?” Eggsy asked.

 

Harry just nodded, seemingly very calm and not worried. It was bothering Eggsy something fierce, particularly because he couldn’t figure it out and if there was one thing a witch didn’t like it was not knowing something.  He scowled at Harry, who didn’t even seem to notice. 

 

“Yeah, well. Just be careful. No foolish ideas this time.” 

 

“I promise you, my dear, I will not do anything that would draw out your ire.” 

 

That … was weird. “I told you not to go all court speech on me, Galahad.” Eggsy was well aware he was more bluster than bite right now, but he didn’t give a toss. “We talk plainly up near the mountains.”    
  


Harry straddled his horse and smiled down at Eggsy. “I’m certain I’ll be home before dinner. I’ll see you soon,” he promised.

 

“Git,” Eggsy muttered as he watched Harry gallop away. 

 

True to his word, Harry was back before nightfall. His expression was one of supreme satisfaction, and it made Eggsy uncomfortable to look at.

 

He busied himself  with making them tea, so he wouldn’t have to look Harry in the eye. “How did it go?,” he asked.

 

“I have looked up on the brilliance of the Grail, and I have held it in my hands,” Harry, or Sir Galahad, replied. “And then I put it back.”

 

Eggsy gasped, turning around in his shock. “You what? You came all this way and you don’t even want it?”

 

Harry shrugged, taking a bit of some of the bread his own hands had cooked earlier that week. The entire cottage now screamed of his presence. There was cheese he had made on the table, vegetables he had taken in from the garden, fruit he had picked, and honey he had helped Eggsy retrieve. Even the cup at his side was something one of the villagers had taught him to make. “I know I can always find it again, now that I understand the riddle.”

 

“You do?,” Eggsy asked, his heart beating so loud in his chest. 

 

“Aye,” Harry confirmed as he stood up to tower over Eggsy. “Of course one’s heart is most pure and noble when they are thinking about one that they love, isn’t that right my darling?” His hand came up to cup Eggsy’s cheek, his fingers soft as Eggsy had always knew they would be.

 

“Yes, Harry,” the witch breathed out. “That’s exactly it. You were thinking about me?”   
  


“I was,” Harry agreed. He bent low to give Eggsy a firm, lingering kiss. “And now that I know for certain how you feel, I don’t intend to ever leave. That is,” he added looking into Eggsy’s eyes, “if you will have me.”

 

Eggsy threw his arms around Harry, kissing him sounding. “Of course, I will you, you daft nimpty. How could I do anything but?”

 

They kissed for a good long while, before Eggsy drew back and grinned up at Harry. “After all,” he said mischievously, “I still have so much more to teach you.”

 

THE END.


End file.
